I was watching The Today Show this morning while getting Rachel dressed. I usually get disgusted and change the channel but today the story peaked my interest. Today, the title was, "Are you an Alpha Mom?" What are Alpha Moms? Well, they are moms who can do it all. Kids. Jobs. Own Businesses. Fashion. Technology. You name it, they can do it...all at the same time. It sounds pretty innocent. I thought, hey, this sounds like the modern day Proverbs 31 woman...sort of. Our biblical example seemed to be able to keep up with a long list of "to dos". Shouldn't we try to be Alpha Moms? [Of course, Christian Alpha Moms could be the new Lifeway product.] I'd say no.
I think this is just feminism with some type of mask. Why do many moms today feel like they have to own or rule everything (especially men)? I have no beef with strong women but this is just off base. It's obviously another attempt to make ones self numero uno (Alpha).
While reading an article, I found three reasons why I believe we should run from this.
First, I found only one mention of a husband or father in the article and that was only in passing.
"Then there's a debriefing with her husband"A debriefing with her husband? Wow, it's like she's the CEO of a company and all she's got is 5 minutes to catch up with him before she's off to her next task. It appears to me that husbands come last in this lifestyle. 1. Mom, 2. Kids, 3. Dad
Second, there is an overwhelming emphasis on consumerism. These moms are spenders and they like to do it online, too. If you want to sell something, target this group. Swiffer, Proctor-Gamble, GM, Nintendo, Kimberly-Clark, and Huggies are just a few of the companies who are throwing themselves at this group. The woman featured on The Today Show pointed out that she has to have to newest technology and the most fashionable clothes.
Third, and the most critical fault, is this feministic (is that a word) fear that they will "lose" their identities if they have a family. This is one reason why Constance Van Flandern created Alpha Mom TV. She states it best herself:
"But I realized that the audience is me: a hip mom who wants to be involved with her children's lives but who doesn't want to give up her identity."Since when did children become identity thieves? I'm no less Leah than I was 14 months ago. I've actually realized more of what my identity is. My identity is found in Christ alone. But hey, what's so wrong with your identity being a stay-at-home mom with clothes bought at the thrift store and being submissive to your husband?
So, no, I am not an Alpha Mom. I am not number one in this world or in my home. Thankfully, my Heavenly Father sees Christ in me because what I have to offer is but filthy rags. I fail repeatedly daily...hourly. I'm thankful I don't have to be an Alpha Mom because my strength is found in Christ and not in my own abilities.
I could go on and on about this but I think this is a good primer on this new "breed" of women. What do you think about?
8 comments:
Leah, your post almost brought me to tears. I think you are right. Although the proverbs 31 woman was a busy woman (it seems) she was all about taking care of her family and her house and loving God in the process. She did seem to make extra money for her family but that does not mean she was so business savvy as to neglect her family. I too am getting tired of this talk of "I want to have my own life [outside of my family] so I can have self-respect and self-esteem". I suppose it is too much to expect the Today's show to do a show about esteeming Christ and forgetting about ourselves. That what the church is for. Okay, I am majorly just rambling now. Bye
Oh, and your line "since when did children become identity thieves" is classic. I will steal it and use it whenever I can.
Thanks Candace! Your words are encouraging.
Amen and Amen...unfortunately this is even creeping into the church(both people and institution). One of the questions the recent pastor search committee was asked through email this week was...I hear he has three children..does this mean his wife will primarily just take care of her kids! I was hurt..."just" take care of three boys!!!! There could be nothing more rewarding or challenging! I say this humbly..and I often have to monitor what I read and watch..lest I start to believe that my identity has been stolen!
Thank you, Leah!
Liz, it is too bad that a lot of times when churches hire a pastor they think they are getting a two for one deal. That is, we are hiring the pastor but really the wife must do as much her husband but in different ministries. Raising children does not constitute ministry. Another wayward institutional practice.
Omigosh! Is this my "baby" talking?? Leah, you have grown into such a thought-ful young woman and I am so proud of you. Your concerns about being a mom are not new (though "stay-at-home" is a modern coinage). I remember how riled I would get when someone would say, "You have FOUR kids!!!" then follow that with the question, "Do you work?" Duh!! I credit the organizational skills I use in my job as having been learned as "Mom."
I think there should be a caution, though, in labeling all mothers who do work outside the home with the "Alpha Mom" perjorative. There is nothing wrong with earning money. Women have been doing it for millenia...many of them from home, but earning added income none-the-less. And those women who worked from home often chose to do those things that made them feel valued--hand work, making home-made food products, child-care, raising animals for food--they were exploiting their God-given talents. Nowadays, circumstances often require women to supplement the family income with work outside the home. And if that work taps into their innate skills (budget balancing, organization, creativity, compassion), all the better.
As for feminism...it is getting such a bad rep these days. Often the efforts of females are seen to subvert, conquer and overcome males. When the movement first came into the social realm, it was intended to uphold women as being valuable as women, and as valuable as men. It was never intended that women should become "like men." God forbid! To suggest that is to suggest that men are better and manhood something to be strived for, leaving womanhood behind. No way. Women are not better...or worse...than men. Just different--with their own set of talents, strengths, qualities, and abilities. Feminism was intended to remove the "just" from the question,"Do you work outside the home or are you just a mom?" I don't know of any true feminists who don't value motherhood. On the other hand, neither did they believe that men had some claim to the work-a-day world just because they were male. Feminists worked just as hard to remove the "just" in "So, you're just a secretary/nurse/teacher/etc." You are too young to know what it was like for women in the decades (centuries!!) before the sixties...and in some cases persists today. Too many single moms would be hurt if we were to go back to the old models of home vs. work that were the norm in the early part of the 20th century.
In today's world, women who do not stay home with their children are often seen as ambitious, ladder-climbing, self-centered mult-tasking pros who would rather define themselves by their corporate lives than their family lives. I don't know who started that nonsens (media like the Today Show?), but I think you and I both know women who can do an awful lot and still be good mothers, wives, students,employees ...and with extraordinary skill and without designer clothes. I would hate to see a backlash from "stay at homes" that condemns those women by some sort of reverse logic. In truth, I would hate to see a world where only men were bankers, lawyers, doctors, etc. Women in those roles give a perspecitive to those professions that is sensitive to the needs of women and children that men don't have. Conversely, I think the world is enriched by men who are nurses in newborn units, kindergartens and...stay at home dads!
I agree that children are not "identity thieves"...it was, and remains, a source of amazement to me to see how individual my own children are. Yet I can also see myself in them from time to time (for good or ill), and I think that is what it is all about for all of us. We are unique composites...beautiful wholes made up of so many disparate parts...all in the image and likeness of God.
Thank you for the opportunity to dialogue on this subject. I hope you don't mind things from your old mom's perspective. Love you.
There was another article in Vogue, I think, that talked about "Alpha Women and the Beta Men that Love Them." Apparently it's no good to just be an alpha mom, we've got to bark orders around all the time for anyone to take us seriously.
It's like women our age have a fear that getting married will make them disappear!
Sorry, that was Marcia above!
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